Being Vulnerable Or Being Controlling ?

When we talk to people in our lives, often we all appear secure and in control of what we are talking about, living in that moment or going through an experience. Vulnerability is considered as a weakness and although we all are vulnerable many of us hide it as to not seem week or feel week. But it couldn’t be further away from the truth.

In Control

Control or thinking that we have control over our lives is often an illusion that we create so we can live with more ease. We like to feel like we know all that is happening to us and why is it happening.

Our brain uses this illusion of false security to keep us somehow tranquil otherwise we would go crazy thinking constantly about what is going to happen next and how and when is it going to happen?

If we think that so many things do not even depend on us that often gives us a great sense of discomfort and uncertainty.

Being Vulnerable

Depending of our background we perceive vulnerability in different ways. Some might feel week to show their vulnerability in front of others. Some might feel like they have no control, or exposed and in danger if they even think that they might show their vulnerability. Often our family way of dealing with vulnerability becomes our way of dealing and expressing the same.

But, what does it mean to be vulnerable in the first place? Being vulnerable means, at least the way l see it, being open and in touch with your emotions weather difficult or not and being open about those emotions and being able to share them with others without feeling in danger, showing those feelings in front of other people and expressing them in healthy ways.

When we are not connected with our inner emotional world we lack the inner communication with our selves. It is true that we have our rational side of the brain, but the rational side is the tool that helps us reason and discern but our emotional side is our inner authentic compass that leads us through life helping us feel what is right, just for us. While our rational brain takes and processes all the information from the outside world that encounters, wether relevant for us or not, our emotional inner guide is a system that works just for us, using our feeling system and our intuition to help us feel if a certain situation is good for us, or if we should make this or that decision. Once we have felt the right choice for us than our rational brain can help us understand and verbalize and explain why certain situation or decision is right for us no matter if it is right for other.

In Balance

When we control a lot our experiences and our emotions, we are out of the flow or out of the inner balance of our emotional system. Many of us have been brought up to believe that being emotional is week, or immature. Many of us use only our rational side of the brain to live their life. Living a life out of this balance between our inner emotions and our logical controlling mind can take us to living  non authentic life. Being non authentic means living a life without meaning, going in a certain direction in life just because it is how it is, or because many have done it before us.

When our life is out of balance between the inner world and outside, logical mind, we feel the sense of disconnection and loneliness. This is because, no one can know us better than we do, or know one can know better than us what is right for us. It is like giving power to the outside circumstances instead of owning it and using our inner power to guide us.

But we can only own this power by creating the balance between the emotions and the logical mind and allowing them to work in harmony. Only by being vulnerable we can allow our selves to feel all the emotions fully whether they are difficult or not and only by being vulnerable and showing our true emotions can we create healthy and valuable relationships with our selves in the first place and than with the important people in our lives.


The Importance Of  The Journey 

Our life journey and the experiences that we create on this journey are exactly what we need to be able find the balance that I spoke about in the previous paragraph.

Only through the experience in our life and through the relationships, we can learn more about our selves, our vulnerability ,what is good for us, and what is not. Experience and allowing that experience to teach us important life lessons is the key to our growth and development.

Often when we perceive our experiences as painful we block our feelings, or we block the experience and we block our growth in this way. People stay blocked  for a long time this way, fearing to feel the pain, as if staying blocked is not painful at all.

Only when the pain gets unbearable we start looking inside of us or we start asking for help. By then, we have berried our pain so deep that it takes time to pool it out and see it for what it is.

But every crisis should be welcomed, as this is an experience as well. Finding courage or simply being tired of feeling so much pain are the reasons people start facing their blockages. It is a blessing in disguise since it allows space for healing.

These experiences teach us that painful and difficult situations have to teach us and that if blocked it hurts even more and it takes more courage to overcome the pain. So learning to trust what life brings us in the form of experience is essential because they are all lessons in disguise that we need to learn from. When being vulnerable we allow this learning to happen, we allow to feel this pain to transform us and teach us. Trusting the journey, experience and the vulnerability is a combination that will allow us to evolve as human beings and if we allow it than we have learned to trust the journey and to know that when we are hurting it is because we are learning something important about ourselves. This gives a different meaning to the pain and painful experiences.


Vulnerable Or Controlling?

Next time when you find your self in a potential painful situation, consider carefully if allowing the experience to happen and allowing your self to learn through your vulnerability is more painful than controlling and stopping the pain or experience and risking to stay blocked for a longer time.

All lessons are in our life because there is a reason why we need to learn those specific lessons, we should always have in mind what is a better choice for us : To control and block or to be vulnerable and learn. We always have a choice and it depends on us.


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